Feeling Human

I admit, I haven't been feeling much like a human lately.  More like a slug, on the path to a goal, but largely unaware of what that goal is.  Just making slow progress each day.  It doesn't help that I've been sick, as has the rest of the family.  The metaphorical fog I was living in was only complicated by the literal fog I was trying to see/breathe through.  Add in the complications and dangers of actually being human, and I didn't feel much like one.

Today, I am somewhat on the mend.  The sinuses and sore throat are starting to abide, though I'm not running at my usual capacity.  My husband did something wonderful and much needed for me, and sent me off to get a little bit of pampering.  I'm not one to put myself first ever, at least not since becoming a wife and mother, so today was a nice little unexpected indulgence.  I treated myself to a very cliche trip to the nail spa, for a deluxe manicure and pedicure. I'm still slightly surprised at how much better those small little things can make me feel.

Anyway, what I'm getting to, in my rambling way, is that I can't recall what exactly triggered the change, but at some point, I stopped taking care of myself.  OK, I still bathe, color my hair (gasp), buy new clothes when needed, take care of my teeth, etc., but I'm talking about really taking care of myself. The occasional attention paid to my soul and rejuvenation.  Almost anyone who finds themselves in the position of being the primary caretaker of a household/family/loved one can probably identify with the feeling that they just don't get the attention that they used to, from themselves.

What I should be doing, is making time for myself.  And whatever form that time takes: a trip to the spa, shopping, a day at the beach, a drive, or even a 20 minute solo trip to the coffee shop, I need to make it count. I think this means setting aside all the other bullshit I am working on, dealing with, listening to, and just going and doing it.  Hell, it doesn't even mean I have to leave the house, though I will admit that I probably get a little bit more benefit of my time if I step out of my "element".

I promise myself to try to do this a little more.  It doesn't have to cost me anything.  I can even drive five minutes from home and find myself up in the mountains, seemingly thousands of miles from civilization.   It would be nice if that 5 minute drive included a massage and facial, but hey, I'll take what I can get.